She won't sit still

How old is she roughly?

• Two or under: she can't reason yet

  What is she doing?

  • Constantly turning her head

    Do this

    Move yourself around her, not the other way

    Asking a toddler to hold a position is a losing battle. Instead of positioning her, position yourself: walk around her and work from whatever angle she's currently facing. This feels backwards but cuts the battle in half. The style doesn't care which direction you're approaching from, and she doesn't notice you've moved.

  • Reaching up and grabbing

    Do this

    Put something in both hands

    Both hands occupied means neither reaches up. Give her something she doesn't normally have access to: her own phone, a specific toy kept back for this, or something novel. Two objects works better than one because when she drops one hand she still has the other. Change the object every minute or two to extend the novelty window.

• Old enough to understand but won't cooperate

  What seems to be happening?

  • She's bored and distracted

    Do this

    Screen on, and show her the countdown

    A show she chose herself works better than one you chose. More importantly, show her the timer: hold the phone in front of her and say 'when it gets to zero, I'm done.' A visible countdown she can watch is far more effective than 'nearly done'. She can see for herself that it's finite and you're not moving the goalposts.

  • She's saying it hurts or feels uncomfortable

    Do this

    Stop and find where the discomfort is coming from

    Continuing through discomfort while she moves makes both the pain and the battle worse. Stop completely. Ask her to point to where it hurts: root, ends, or a specific spot. Take the style down or loosen the worst point before continuing.

    Go to: She says it hurts

  • She's refusing to start at all

    Do this

    Give her one genuine choice

    Offer control over something real: which elastic colour, whether the parting goes left or right, or a choice between two specific styles. It needs to be a real choice, not 'shall we do your hair?' (the answer will be no). 'Ponytail or two bunches?' gives her agency while keeping the outcome the same. Children who feel some control cooperate with the rest of it.